Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it – no matter if I have said it! – except it agree with your own reason and your own common sense.” – Siddhartha Gautama, a.k.a. the Buddha

Bad guys? Populations? and other blasts from the past. (And a word spill)

The Saker asks , “are we the bad guys”, and a I know a few fellow bloggers that seriously need to read, WITH AN OPEN MIND, and ask themselves if their position is one of personal belief, or rationalized dogma from indoctrination.

And Sarah weighs in with a blast from her past. And one of those that had me sitting back, thinking on my own personal indoctrinations for weeks. (Spill it Dio!!!) See, I married WAY TO YOUNG. And it caused some serious clashes in Ideologies: my upbringing to do the right thing was the reason for the Marriage, the modern ideologue of “if it feels good,,,” was what got me into trouble. And of course, a lot of my ‘impressions’ of the time led to a decision I regret. I went and had a vasectomy done. At 19!!!

Of course the Marriage quickly turned into HELL ON EARTH (I joined the Marines to get away from her if that tells ya anything), and one thing led to another and life ALWAYS goes on. But the end result being, after the fact, I lost out in two potentially wonderful relationships because I couldnt be ‘the daddy’. And while reasons may have been given otherwise, the fact that within a year of the breakups, both women had birthed or were carrying child tells me that hormones had much more to do with the split than logic did. The first went on to have 5, so there was definitely a calling there, and one I could not fulfill for her.

Funny how it took a woman I have never met, to point out from an oblique angle, how my screwed up relationships weren’t so screwy afterall; if you account for us being HUMAN. LOL. (i thank you for that Sarah, I’m still odd, just not as Fd!U! as I thought)

Yeah times is tight on this end and I am getting through . Like I told B yesterday in texts, ‘Im hanging, and not by the neck, so thats a good thing’ . More like hanging on to the end of the rope with 2 of my 4 claws.

But I have two dug in deep, and ain’t lettin’ go, and I can almost get that other paw up there; just gotta swing the right way and that takes some effort.

Some of that effort I have mentioned here a time or two, and some of it is new, and ALL OF IT, is on me, period, FULL STOP. So, I am going to relax a bit, without letting go that rope, and start to swinging. You’ll know when I have it together, and there will be a new addy here. But the same old place, with some new decor.

I keep coming back to the one thought that is hardest to keep forefront of my efforts(and its hard because it goes against most of my early indoctrination) : I have to work FOR ME, or I will always be on the short end of the stick

As I get things lined up, I’ll send up a flare and let y’all know whats what, and make an offer out there for a subscription of specialized posts. I’ve considered doing the Substack thing as well, but seeing my readership still (barely) hovering at 100/day, I’ll keep playing here. I haven’t written the Substack off completely, I just dont feel I have consistent enough content (and it shows by my low audience count) to make it successful, or even marginal.

(And I have a kayak race I MUST participate in this weekend, and that may offer some other doors and halls to explore. Even the fact of being with friends and ‘decompressing ‘ usually opens a new channel or two for fresh ideas to expand in.)

One response

  1. Best wishes to ya with the upcoming changes, and good luck in the race!

    Liked by 1 person

    April 21, 2022 at 5:17 pm

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