Yay, Four day weekend!!!!!
Long story, but plans that were made back during the early parts of summer (say three months back) have been hulled below the waterline by Bossman.
IF, I don’t use that lever of mine and tell him to FOADIAF.
He “generously, gave us” Monday the fourth off, (without pay,,,) but to make our hours back up, we get to work that following Friday. Umhmmm,,, Well, I had made plans to be at the camp on Thursday eve, since we have been working Mon-Thurs the last month, and have two full days/three nights with friends, and NOT have to inconvenience the work environment.
NOT SO MUCH NOW.
To say that the last month or so, my frustration with the J.O.B. has started stripping out any benefit I receive in Monetary compensation. I fought tooth and nail with myself the last week, maybe two weeks, to get up and go in.
And the key point is this one.
And when you find out, inadvertently, that said person makes the same rate as you,,,,
As happened Thursday evening, on my way out,,,
Makes me think that I may be taking a Vaca week, without warning, and spending some quality time getting my head in order, and damn the finances for a bit.
Maybe this is the nudge I need to get off my ass and walk away permanently from a VERY Toxic relationship/Job.
Is the timing optimal? Hell no! Is it EVER?
But one thing I am is resilient,
ROAD SIGN, SHIFTING LANES AHEAD.
Sat on the porch yesterday as I was tapping that out, dusk coming down fast, and suddenly Mama-kats’ ears perked up and she was all attention towards Unc’s garden. First glance all I see are the usual 5 rabbits playing and eating my yard/weeds. (I really need to mow that section, but I like watching the bunnies,,,). Well, that wasn’t it, Mama never gives the Buns a moment of attention (with the exception of that one she tried to adopt 2 years back.) OOOHHHH!! Now I see it. Ear flicks from the bean patch; Three Doe wandering through the garden. Unc is on vaca in Floriduh and that section of our little hollar has been VERY quiet the last week, AND, my Cuz moving into the hollar on the other side of me has created a disruption in their usual pathways.
While I like watching them, what I thought was “well, I know when things get tight, where dinner is coming from”. Between Thumper and Bambi, the kids n I are not going to starve, but gonna have to be a stealthy hunter and keep the bangy bangs subdued.
It’s funny, I have a dog for security, but its Mama-kat that always warns me when wildlife is on the move. The first time she did that ear perk thing from the porch was when the Bear was eating up the corn patch, and she went all growly about that one. Voo? notsomuch,,, Even with the breeze blowing bear stink his way, the most noize he made was a snore. Great security eh? LOL. Love the mutt, but other than companionship, he is about the most worthless,,,,,
Today, to get rid of some of my stress from the opening subject, I did my usual therapy: I Went kayaking. Did some exercises I picked up from “Dancing with the Sea” and while I am still shaky on that whole edging thing, I did see improvement. Just have to keep at it. Will say that my confidence in waves is better, and not just because of the exercises, but because of a boat that was designed for that stuff. Blue Jean is one hella boat and I would be even more ecstatic about her if she weighed 30# LESS. She runs right at 70# empty, which means nothing much ON the water, but that transition between transport and the waters edge is beastly. And most of my put-ins are not at boat ramps where I can use a dolly/cart.
I was out in a shallow spot, wedged between two spits, the water is only 3′ deep and its along a route to a wider area that the power boaters love to get to, usually bow up making lots of noise and waves. Well, those waves focus into that little bay and being shallow, the waves even whitecap. I sat out there, about 100′ from the shore, and those waves were hitting me from all directions and I never once felt ‘tippy’. Mostly the boat, but there was that ‘paddle’ thing Paulo talks about in his course, and it DID change the game. One set of waves washed my decks off, from the side, and I never wobbled.
I paddled back to my put in with a shit eating grin on my face.
I have some serious thinking about what I want moving forward, and there is a set of ears I need to borrow, real soon. Some things just don’t translate well in blogging and when you need to bounce ideas off someone else, blogging lacks.
(and a lot of this transition thing with the J.O.B. is why I have been dropping the ball with the world at large. I have to live my life as best I can, and right now, I feel like that has been way more difficult than it should be, and NOT because of the inflation hitting us sideways. No, this is at the spiritual level and I need fix that before I can ‘fix’ the world, if ya know what I mean.)
Not Black holes, just dank and dark holes that appear and drag a psyche towards despair and apathy. recent events with Sarah’s community of ‘Odds’ raising the bar on “How IT’s Done” let me take a few in introspection on my desires of the blog. Ain’t gonna change a thing, and live with the lack of commentariat: I get feedback of a sort by the numbers, though I never know if its GOOD or BAD, just that the traffic flow is either up or down. And occasionally I do get a Tamalanche (any one remember that term and how it came about?)
Clotshot strikes again? Bosses Son had a “bro” that passed recently. It coincided with the clot shot perfectly and surprised the hell out of everyone around them, including the docs; but not me. When SON was telling me the details, I asked “He got the shot recently, didn’t he?” and the answer was ‘within two weeks”. Interestingly, even with the Flu season upon us, what I am seeing and hearing is more heart attacks, like many many more, and usually ‘out of the clear blue’. In the last month, I know of 5 peeps that have passed over, all heart attacks, and only one was ‘expected’. And not all of them were of that age when you expect shit to go sideways with a quickness. And to whit, every single one of the vic’s, had received the clotshot at least once; one was on his third round. Not sure if this is a valid data point or not, but every single one was male. Haven’t heard of an women getting the shot and then dropping of heart issues, but that may have more to do with the ‘patriarchal’ bent of this area. Yes, there is still separation of men and women in information (IE Gossip) that you won’t see in other places. That male thing appears to be similar to how the younger demographics are playing out with the shot as well. Most likely to have issues with the ‘side affects’ are the younger males. Not trying to raise alarm here (thats already done) just trying to gather as much intel for people as my little world gives me. Maybe I am paranoid, but I am far closer to the point of “am I paranoid ENOUGH?” and I am trying to keep from crossing the line of “enough” to “straight jacket”.
Toss the dawgs a bone to keep ’em quiet. I hadn’t said much about the revent (S)election Cycle, and what I do have to say about it is one anachronism: TINVOWOOT!!! The turnover in Virginia was not a win, and those that started crowing about ‘the tides turning’ need a good slap upside the head. This was the bone to shush the dawgs for a spell while the steal continues on behind the scenes. THEY GAVE UP VIRGINIA TO TURN DOWN THE HEAT,,,,,VA votes still rigged but ‘surrendered’ to ease the growing heat. VA was rigged, but not to win, but to lose by the closest of margins, Rigged voting was caught live in internet JPGs with time stamps, and they still ‘lost’. WHY? To keep the heat down on the frogs to keep us IN the pot. JMO of course, and that leads me into the next dark hole,,,,
Aint nuthin’ new: people are people and desire to survive is hardwired into us. Others more than usual, but survival of the fittest is not just a postulate. In some, that desire to survive, or more specifically PROSPER sometimes takes on a life of its own and can be interpreted as GREED. I don’t like using that word since any disparity in outcomes can always be interpreted as ‘greedy’ by the ‘have-nots’, but when I start seeing the “Pee-lousy-ees” and “Screw-more’s” in the world,,,, IMO, anyone that would knowingly work to make a slave class for their bidding is no longer human and needs removed from the equation. Sure, maybe there are some people in this world that are too dumb to get out of their own way: that’s what the Darwin Awards are for.
We haven’t hit the bottom yet, but its getting close, I can feel it. Not even going to try and prognosticate a time-frame, but its coming. But like Sarah says, They lose, we win. They don’t account for the tenacity of a people that are not hardwired for monarchy.
I thinks, if memory serves me correctly(and lately, thats questionable with all the gaslighting crap and Mandela effect taking place) there was only ONE show (besides most of Mike Rowe’s stuff) worth me watching in the last 20 years.
Loved that show. Took a TON of inspiration from it. That show reinforced sumpin my Da taught me: there is not a whole lot out of reach if you’re willing to bloody a knuckle or two. A few tools and a well stocked brain and a pile of “junk” and what you can come up with is purt amazin’. May not be the purtiest, but functional and robust make up for a lot of esthetics.
Toss in a couple skills like welding and machining (I did not use a lathe this go round, but it opens up even more possibilities.) and imagination opens wide.
And it comes in handy more than you’d guess.
Bossmans Son had a crazy idea for a cooler hauler, (prolly sumpin he’d seen out-n-about) and found some used high powered go-cart tires. Asked me to come up with a way putting them on an old Radio Flyer wagon.
(will update with Pics when I can get a decent signal. Apologies up front)
Those are just the steer wheels, and I will be making the drag axle soon. But, it ain’t gonna break easy, and every part in it was a cast off from something in the lot outside the shop. Coulda handed Son a list of parts needed, but I like to flex my FRUGAL SQUIRREL muscles everyoncewhile. Redneck? Mehbe a little, but who gives a shit if it works, eh?
I didn’t ‘need’ the lathe for this, What i did to make the hubs concentric was to set up an axle bolted down to the bench and used the grinder cutting at an angle and driving the hub at the same time. Crude? Yup! but it works and is “good-nuff” in this case. Its not like this thing is going to do much more than walking speed, ever! so who gives a damn if the hubs are a little off. They roll smooth enough that, when I pulled the grinder away, that hub kept spinning at high revs for at least a full minute. “Perfect is the enemy of GOOD” and I like to keep things as simple as I can. My only grump building these parts was lack of drill press. But, cordless drill worked well enough, even if my thumb is a touch sore from when the bit caught once. High torque setting, low speed and that thing wrenched the hell out of my thumb,,,
Any whoos, this is one post today. The other will be up shortly. I started it this morning but didn’t want to hit the publish button ‘cuz I felt there was a lot more to go into it yet.
Sarah has many good points about how truthful things are in a communist country. How officials lie to their higher ups to keep looking good, how communities will obfuscate and dodge ‘official” census and collections to keep a little more of their own in their hands. All of this can be investigated with very little effort, one just needs to do it.
Where does that leave us now? We are obviously in the crux of going full commie here in FUSA. We are quickly devolving into USSA, assuming that Xi-Dins FRAUD can ‘run over’ the obstinate governators like DeSantis. Good luck with that Vice Emperor Poop-pants. (I love that BC,, Gotta use that as much as possible.)
The Fences are back up around Mordor on the Potomac, and that means there are some vetted wannabe Rambos that are there to defend the squishy rhetoric of the ‘masses’ from us Deplorable White supremicist domestic terrorists that only want to be left alone. Saw Vid of a certain SSgt X-her that said she would gladly shoot citizens in the face if they wouldn’t follow her orders. Seems to me that she had best make sure her unit is filled with brainwashed like minded Soiboys or Guerrilla Gurls. As someone in comments said, Fragging may become fashionable again.
Seriously, the best way we have to fight right now is the one way they really have the hardest time to fight: RIDICULE. Show them for the pantywaists they are. Show the dichotomy of their “Rules for thee, but not for me”. If the place you work mandates you have to get the shot, (will only work on your terms and your time) fake a VXPASS, the information is out there, but ya may have to dig for it. If your able to work yourself into getting into a position such as a board of education, play along and monkey wrench the process. Do what the Congress-critters do and add addendums and additional criteria to rules for passing. BE THE RAT.
Shooting the bastards will happen, but ON OUR TERMS, not theirs. They want us to react, but we need to chill out and see opportunities to return the favor of a fucking without a kiss. We need to be ungovernable in all instances. We need to make certain that LE know that they are the first line and they will be the first were laws of war become most obvious. I could give a damn if they Talking heads of the MSM’s figure it out; the human race would be well rid of such shit.
“Middle class America is no less violent than any other people. They seem passive because they’re results oriented. They rise not out of blood frenzy but to solve the otherwise insoluble. Their methods of choice are good will, cooperation, forbearance, negotiation and finally, appeasement, roughly in that order. Only when these fail to end the abuse do they revert to blowback. And they do so irretrievably. Once the course is set and the outcome defined, doubt is put aside. The middle class is known, condemned actually, for carrying out violence with the efficiency of an industrial project where bloody destruction at any scale is not only in play, it’s a metric. Remorse is left for the next generation, they’ll have the leisure for it. We’d like to believe this is merely dark speculation. History says it isn’t.”
January in Philly, the city of Brotherly Love.
At least the fires are plentiful to keep a guy warm.
I haven’t seen a police officer in a week, and he seemed to be on extra duty providing security for some out of towners. Not one cruiser is running in the city, and I heard that just after Biden swore in, more than half of the force had a sudden case of Blue Flu and haven’t been back since.
Thats good for me, it makes my job easier.
I have a list from the court procedings back in December, Names, addresses, at least most of them. I had to get some of those through cloak and dagger means through the DMV and other places. That cost a pretty penny and I hope the young lady that helped me out is better at covering her tracks than she is at digging for dirt. She’s plenty good at the last, and I would like for her to be around later when and if I get this list taken care of.
Passing through an indoor mall to get warm, most of the shops are boarded up, and the destruction is obvious; I pass by a small bar with a TV going. Local affilitate of one of the MSM’s. Seems that some one in Atlanta has assasinated one of the Election Officials there. My face is a mask of anger, but my heart is near bursting in glee: I am not alone.
But I am alone, and thats the way these things need handled. No back trail to follow. No command structure to target. I have no family, at least not any that have associated with me in years, so nothing they could hold over my head if things get really crazy.
And I am a man with nothing left to lose. They stole my business in 2020 by shutting everything down over a cold virus that wasn’t. They raped my accounts for taxes owed, on a business that was in the red before the virus. And the Girlfriend didn’t want anything to do with a guy that was asking for help paying the electric bill.
Then they stole my country.
Trump fought like hell. Everything he found was dead on legit, but the court system was bought and paid for before even one vote was cast this year. THEY KNEW they couldn’t lose.
But they lost bigger than anything by being so certain that guys like me would just roll over. Seventy one MILLION people voted for Trump according to original figures before the Glitches “corrected” things. If only three percent are of like mind to me, that is two million very pissed off people willing to burn a bridge or two. Thats a lot of little fires to find and put out before the inferno starts.
I have my list. I know others have a list too. Lone wolves hunting prey. And the prey isn’t even aware of it. Yet.
One down in Atlanta. I want two tonight before I find somewhere to hole up and plan my next moves. I would say by the end of the week, most all the election officials arrested and released are going to be attending their own funerals or hysterically seeking some sort of protection, body guards or taking a permanent vacation to Europe.
And thats just one angle. The Media talking heads are on lists too. I don’t know who put the post up, but the idea was so enticing to someone wanting a little blood after the “piss down my back and tell me it’s raining” election scam we just witnessed. “make a list of targets, Election officials, Media heads, politicians, anyone that was obviously deep in the shit. Then hunt them down and kill them, alone so there is no way it can come back on you. THEN SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!” The post lasted 15 minutes on Facebook before the original was deleted, but it had been copied and pasted a few hundred times before they deleted it. Then kept popping up like the clap amongst various groups. They tried like hell to cap it, but it kept flaring up, again and again.
As for the Media, totally legit targets. Mike V, may he rest in peace, called it “Clintons Rules of Engagement” after Slick Willy authorized broadcast facilities as targets of oppurtunity in Bosnia back in the nineties. That arrogance those asshats displayed isn’t going to seem so indestructable after some of the larger ones get whacked. When I saw how they flagrantly declared the election before any TRUE constitutional aspects had been achieved, I knew this country had been sold out.
Y’know, for such a shitty start to the year, this one may be the best yet. After the first one, the rest are free. Henry Bowman was right.
“Stumbled my way on the darkest afternoon,
Got a beer in my hand and I’m draggin’ a stogie too
The back of my brain is tickin’ like a clock,
I simmer down gently but boil on ‘what the fuck?: “1
Never said I was the greatest singer, but in this sun, scratchin’ out the lines of beans I’m planting; singing makes it go by so much faster. Gotta make our own music now, and it is just me out in this field today.
Who knows what year it is, I lost track a few seasons back. After things went to shit in the 2020 joke of an absentee election cycle, put in place by the countries new ‘Coronaphobia’, people like me retreated to the hills and never looked back. Even my democrat friends knew something was wrong when Biden took the election with 480 electoral college votes. They had written in for Bernie. Not sure what the hell they were thinking but even Bernie was looking like a better bet than Smokin’ Joe Biden. Smokin’ ’cause thats what bearings do when they run without lube for so long under so much pressure.
Then they inaugurated the senile ol groper. Two days later he had an aneurysm in the Oval Office. Interim President Obama, Michelle, not Barry, then nominated Hillary for Vice.
By April, it was chaos. Barry killed Michelle in a ‘pique of passion’ and HRC became the new President of the United States. Every swinging dick on asphalt in the world KNEW that Barry hadn’t killed O. Who had was never answered, and Barry burned in the chair before appeals could be ran, despite his being a former president himself. The Clinton death list had gained a couple new members. And some I know say that Bidens death was on that list as well.
But don’t none of it matter. America was sold off piece meal to the Chinese, the Russians, South African conglomerates: whoever could pay the geld.
“Rule of Law”? Ayah! That’s just a fairy tale these days. Hell, If I get caught growing these beans, they’ll shoot me on sight, plow me under for the fertilizer and harvest them come August for themselves. Of course they would have some political prisoner or two working the rows until, then plow them under for the next batch next year. Not the beans, the prisoners. That’s what America turned into when Queen Clinton enthroned herself. Heck, some don’t believe she is even alive anymore. That they use Computer Graphics to piece together news feeds of her talking, and that its actually Soros doing the driving up there. That he is still alive is amazing too. I guess with all that money, he can afford some radical age stopping treatments, like total blood replacement from young children or some-such,,,
It’s easier out here in what was once the Daniel Boone National Forest. It’s hard to get to where my group is, and with the old fire tower, we have a chance of seeing incoming further out. Used to be that we were scared of the drones looking for us, but a few older Ranger types coming here told us that they can’t keep the drones airborne now. No good pilots, no Techs to keep them working and they don’t trust the pilots they can get to not use the drone as weapon against them. At first I was afraid of the Rangers coming here. Thought that they were looking for us. One of them told me that this section of the woods was once used as a training area for Army Rangers and they all know the area well. If we see them now, they are definitely on our side, and by God, the amount of shit they know,,,
And they bring some really nice toys with them.
I don’t figure I will live to see all of this wrapped up, Ghost said people started fighting in the cities shortly after ‘Her Majesty’ took over, suspended congress and SCOTUS, eviscerated what was left of the Constitution and had every State Governor not on board with her, arrested for pedophilia or drug running or money laundering. The fighting didn’t last long. Just like in Medieval times, siege was a waiting game, shut off essentials like water and food, the people on the inside fold or fail in pretty quick order. Ghost told me some of what he saw before he packed his shit and left. Hollywood couldn’t write the level of horror he had seen.
That was at least a year ago. He still has spells where he just sits and looks at nothing, seeing the back of his head is what he says.
Maybe this batch of beans will keep us going for another 10 months or so. We have enough, but I sure do miss a bigmac these days. Beef just doesn’t happen much and venison is so damned lean. Funny, how all those things we were told were so bad for us, are now essential to good health and avoiding things Beri-Beri. That affliction hadn’t been seen in the US since before the great depression. Its hovers around us now.
“well, Old Mr. Heffer
I’m really pleased to meet you
I didn’t mean to scare your blue-eyed child
but Billy wouldn’t talk to me
and Susie wouldn’t look at me
it made me so doggone crazy
I had to chase them for a mile
all wanted was change for a buck “
Now for the stinky part. Gerry brought me up a load of old carp and I’m giving each plant it’s own fish. Two quarts of honey for 50 dead fish. We’ll have Mead by this time next month, and soon a whole ton of beans. Just a bunch of crazy Deplorables running around drunk and farting in the woods, scaring off all “her Majesties” hired help from third world countries..
Well I’m back and I’m feelin’ good tonight
yea I’m back and I’m feelin’ right
so get back ’cause I’m feelin’ right
1Four Non-Blondes, Ol’ Mr Heffer.
He knows that changes are not permanent, but change is. Tom Sawyer by Rush.
The only true prediction is that shits gonna change. How is where things get murky.
The book I was reading (The Rational Optimist) was published in 2010. The author kept bringing up climatechangeglobalwarmingnexticeage hoopla throughout it, but towards the end showed how it didn’t really make a dent in his perspective. What struck me was how quickly thoughts have shifted from one paradigm to another in such a short span of time.
Yeah, I’m a global warming/climate change denier, and proud of it. But thats not the point here, its about how shifty ‘collective thought ‘ is. More so since the advent of the internet. Even more so since the near ubiquitous use of smartphones.
This is also in no small part due to news sources, the above items are only vehicles. It shows me that programming is even easier once you put the source closer to the person. The flip side of the programming is that having the source closer to the person also allows for them to have counter-programming available.
But not always.
One example I’ve personally seen is in a friend of mine. No net, no TV, no smartphone (oh yes, this is a real person, I’m not making this up.) Whose only news source is NPR. You can probably imagine how specific his opinions on world events are since he does not recieve any counter-viewpoints through ‘reliable sources’: my points don’t count because he knows me. Its funny how that works; he accepts as word of god, the opinions from people he has never, will never meet, over someone he sees everyday and works with and knows.
“Why would they lie?” He’ll ask. “People would call ’em out if they were lying”. To which point I say “people do call ’em iu, but you don’t hear that because you don’t see/hear/read those sources.” Its not 100%, but more information access should help a person form better opinions.
Most people don’t want to think for themselves and the newsie types and their controllers are well aware of that fact.
Another item I have heard frequently is how there is a growing concern that a majority of people have zero savings and live paycheck to paycheck. They talk about it but never offer any solutions. What burns me about is ‘the problem’, as they put it isn’t a problem, but a symptom. I was there where they are talking just a couple of months ago. Zero savings, one check away from catastrophe. The problem, as I see it, is education or lack thereof. I didn’t understand how fluid money is and the reason for that was I had been taught wrong. Those questions I had made me learn. Maybe too late in life to leverage them properly, but I am seeing improvements now. I have money set aside, and its not hurting my day to day.
That just goes to show, that even with a plethora of information available, its not the information, but questions that matter. If you arent asking the right questions, the answers don’t mean anything.
So how do you know what questions to ask? That’s the real trick. My answer is ‘just keep questioning everything!’. Don’t settle until your answers answer themselves. No one can ‘know it all’, that prospect is just way too big, but a body can know enough, if what they know answers the questions of their days. I despise specialization, but it does have its merits in many cases. The main reason I despise it is in scope: a specialist has a narrow scope on the world and there are times when a broader scope will provide solutions unable to be seen by said specialist. Points of Merit: a Doctor specializing in Cancer Research. Points of Failure: a Poitical Scientist specializing in Socialism. One of those benefits humanity, the other is a parasite.
If you really want to learn something, the best way to do it is total immersion. Ya gotta get wet, and not just your toes. Language? Surround yourself in it. Foreign radio links, flesh and blood speakers that use it as their primary language. You’ll be thinking in it within weeks.
You want to know about stocks and bonds, without getting burned? Most modern brokerage houses have electronic ‘games’ where you can do trades of ‘real’ stocks and see how you do and learn from the fails. You aren’t actually using real stocks or money, its a virtual world that takes its input from the real world. Other ‘games’ like Cashflow 101 and 202 work as well.
Wanna learn how to roll a kayak? You really have to get wet here. This is one where you (read ME) needs a warm body other than self to help out, but if you aren’t getting wet, ya ain’t trying.
But if you really want to and I mean REALLY WANT TO learn something, you have to go all in. You’ll be an expert in a week. (Well, maybe longer for things like a lawyer or surgeon, but you get my drift.)
(And for everybody else interested)
Of all my most successful endeavors, and I’m not trying to claim omnipotent knowledge here, they all had one common trait: enthusiasm not overshadowed by pessimism. There was energy to spare, because it wasn’t being drained off to hold the pessimist at bay.
And they were mostly based in reality: I wasn’t trying to develop a warpdrive engine using an as yet undiscovered power source to push an imaginary ship across space. Good entertainment, but not reality. No, these were based on real things, usually just out of reach, but by making the extra effort, were attainable. The incentive was personal happiness as measured in achievements; I have stories to tell even if I didn’t gain in material things.
Broad brush moment here: Most people won’t make the extra effort due to risk aversion. We are a ‘security’ minded people; we want to play it safe because safe is comfortable. Risk is dangerous to that comfort.
But if you don’t risk it, you can’t fail, and if you can’t fail, you don’t learn. Not learning is true failure in my world. Not succeeding is part of the learning curve, get back up, get on the bike and try again. Get out of the water, drain the kayak and try again. If you ain’t trying, you ain’t living.
Now, I have my own personal limits of what I’ll try and won’t; I have zero desire to go base jumping for example but would be (am) willing to build a FAR 103 ultralite and learn to fly. Its all a matter of degrees. My current goal is a little more aetheral but still achievable if I stick to my guns amd guts about it.
The trick is to keep the naysayers at bay. They have a way of wiggling doubt into the slightest crevice; doubt that grows like a cancer and destroys willpower. Willpower is what you need . The truly sucessful are more certain of themselves and are more resistant to the negative: I need a little more breathing room than that, but can still pull some amazing things off when I get my steam up.
I’m building that head of steam now.