Straits of Meh!

So here we are, The Good Ship Dio’s Workshop, aground, rudder fouled and rigging shot through by ScamDemic fallout.  First Mate Voodoo is running about 30% both physically and mentally, and the passengers, Grumpykat and her boys, are wondering when we are going to hit a good port of call, not this barren mess they see off the bow.   The WindGenny (called J.O.B.) is moving enough electrons to keep the bilge pumps running so the lower holds aren’t flooding, but not much more. We may be aground, but we are not sunk, so there is still hope of better to come.(and the corollary of that: could get a shit ton worse, but we’ll strive for the better.)  

TIme for Cap’n Dio to strike out land-bound and get a lay of the area, maybe see if any of the charts we have on hand match what I see.  Currently I am looking at a peak on this shoreline; a peak I am calling mount WTF!!!  and I will head there to get a better view horizon to horizon.  Maybe there is a way off this rock yet.

We all make choices, some times those choices work for us, other times against.   Some of my choices, solid when made, did not hold up to current events or the black swan of a purpose made virus and the gullibility of sheep.   Nor were my choices made with the idea that maybe, the federal government would make the same stupid fricking mistakes it made in the 1920s and collapse an economy.   If you aren’t feeling it yet, stick around, you will.    While I knew the economy was tanking, I missed the ‘slowly, then all at once’ aspects of things.   And I admit, I floundered in the good times of Trumps economy.   When I should have been sticking to my guns, I started playing a bit more than I should have.

Went to a local grocery store, one where I am a regular and have a decent rapport with the manager.   They were in the middle of a floor renovation this last week.  Took out one entire row of shelving, split the remaining rows in half and ‘added’ a middle walkway through them.   I asked what was going on (this is not a big place) and was told, byt a regional type working there at the time ; “we’re remodeling to bring the store up to date”.   Talked to the manager as I was leaving and her response was “they cut the shelving down to make it look like we have more stuff.   Too many products we can’t get anymore.”

Think this is going to wrap up with some Selection cycle?   I think not.  

I personally think this is just the top of the hill and that the snow is still falling while the ice shelf below the snow is creaking frightfully.   I haven’t paid much attention to what the markets are doing the last month or so, but I would say that they look a lot more shaky than that ‘To Infinity and beyond” shit they have been doing since 2008.

Choices.    I have some choices to make and sooner than later.   You all know one of them and that one keeps getting put off; I won’t go into details of that right now.   Another choice is to take one of the several offers I always have laying around, but there is that ‘grass is greener’ thing, that is never the case.   One master traded for a different master is still being owned by someone else.   And that is where my angst with all of this is laying.   I don’t WANT another J.O.B.  

I’m getting a view, and looking for some landmarks to shoot an azimuth for: Figure out just where the hell I am currently.   Maybe I can get something to make sense on the Straits of Meh.

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I wrote the above yesterday afternoon, and scheduled it.  Between then and what you are reading now, I chanced upon this post by Sarah at the Mad Genius Club.  This is her group of fellow writers and a hella resource for up-n-coming writers (such as meself) so may not be for everyday reading for most peeps, but is on my daily check out.   With all the fun and games of fouled rudders and no bearings on upside-down charts, I missed this post the other day.

Let me face one fact, right up front: My problem right now is as simple as this: Depression.   Yup, I’m feeling more than a touch depressed right now, between Dawg, finances, and lack of relief by kayak/camaraderie of friends, I hit my slump.    What really tipped the scales was seeing my tax documents for the year,,,,,     No need to share that figure, but it was quite a bit lower than I expected, to the tune of ten grand lower.   

Soooooo,,,,,,   I read Sarahs “Be the unicorn” and sat back and thought about things a bit.   She’s right!!! In my mind, (and it’s something I work hard against) I am so flipping average as to be flat boring.   Its a self image thing, one reinforced over decades by some that would have me be ‘just that!”.  High school counselors, some of my teachers, a few acquaintances that I thought were friends, all fed the self-image that I am not worth the mould that God made for me.

*cough* Look out on your porch at those kayaks YOU built, Dio.    Look on that book shefl where the books YOU wrote are sitting, Look at the ‘me wall'(I can’t, its in boxes still) with pictures and backstage passes from all the years touring with ‘rockstars’.  Look at the White House Communications Citations from 2004,,,,,,,,,,

No, I am not average, no matter what my self-image is.   I may not be that wildly successful person that my Da wants of me, but, DAMMIT, I’ve done shit,,,, DO SHIT, that ‘average’ people only dream of.  (and thats part of why I don’t want a J.O.B.    I have enough skills and talents that I should be able to make my own way without the ‘one good day job’.). And with the writing thing, I may be way behind on ‘paying my dues’, I am quite aware of that, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t ways to make it pay SOMETHING, in the meantime.  I am no Terry Pratchett, nor Heinlein, but I can spin a tale, and get people to forget about things around them for just a few minutes. Thats not ‘nothing‘.  

Still, I need to get my bearings.  Things are changing in the world, in my world, and seriously, after seeing that W2 for 2021,,,,,    No, that shit can’t stand.   I did ‘alright’ seeing how I am not buried in debt, but that level of income does not bode well for moving forward either.   As I stated above, the J.O.B. has been keeping the bilge dry, but sure isn’t powering the radar or GPS or the radio in the Goodship Dio’s Workshop.

NO, This is NOT a bleg for donations.  If you feel the need to support me in anyway, buy some of my books and give them out.  I would much rather that than someone sending me ‘sympathy monies’.   (Sarah had a special case and as many donators said, they were just returning the favor of good work provided non-gratis, previously.   I know I am not in that boat, yet.  )

I’ll be working on that ‘getting my bearings’ for a bit-while yet; I don’t jump just because it looks good; I like a certain amount of insurance/assurance as well.  (and no, OhioGuy, the lottery ticket DIDN’T Pan out, or this depression would be kicked like a bad habit.). I’ll keep posting, just wanted y’all to know that I ‘feel better’ now.  Knowing is half the battle, Right GIJoe? 

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