A slow sunday wake up,,,

Being an introvert, I spend a lot of time in my own head.   We all do to some extent, but those of us “Innies” do more than most.

Woke up this morning with thinks about an ex on my brain,  Not sure as to the why of that, but it was there and well, run with it.   Something in my sub thinks there is something important there,,,

Have you ever met a person so into the NOW, that the past is meaningless to them?  I know thats not a complete ‘written in stone’ description of my ex, but she was very very kat-like when it came to how she lived her life.   A kat will love on you, strop your shins, purr exstatically when you first come home, but when the lovin’s are up, its on to the next thing, don’t look back and no regrets.    No thoughts at all to what was, but what is NOW, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW.

And lessons must be completely painful or they will not make it down to the level that is the operating system.  It has to be driven home with pain and suffering, or the system will not overwrite the memory banks and adapt.

Living in my head, I re-live events frequently, seeking solutions to the future in how I handled the past.  And that I handled some of the past quite badly is without question,,   Strive to do better next time and not repeat the same ass failute that happened then.   And I well know that there are outside influences that will likely cause the failure no matter what efforts I make.  Sometimes things are ‘just not meant to be’,,,   sigh

There are times where I have wished I could adopt her attitude to life.   and then I think about my personality, and if I were to take up that ‘right here, right NOW’ way of living, I may become the worlds biggest sociopath, no feelings other than my immediate sastifaction and the world and its feelings be damned.   Um,   no.   not me.   I do weigh others opinions in my choices, its how we get through life without becoming pariahs and hermits on mountainsides (wiat just a daggum minute Dio, YOU ARE a hermit on a mountainside!!!. well,,, ya gotta point, but I don’t stay here all the time,,,_)

Dunno where I am going with this,

Or maybe I do, but am not ready to hit that exposure just yet,,,

anywhhoos,,, its domestics day, gotta wash the dirt of last week away, set up Da’s meds and make sure he is alright. and sit on the porch looking out over the hills thinking. I’m good for that one, you can count on it.