Ima chit somedays

Didn’t know I had an issue with things until yesterday eve, text messages between sisters.

Snapped on Eldest sis. Felt like a pre-emptive attack in self defense. I can be the Shit some days. (Note; I later apologized, but it was definitely a tactfully worded verbal assault .)

Took some time to step back and analyze my self/soul. And what I came up with was.

I’m fucking scared silly.

All the bullshit in the world reaching peak Clownworld status. The total failure that appears to be completely intentional of a superpower, so that it can devolve into a third world power (is that a thing?) watching local tyrants ride the wave of Covidiocy (the bug peaks before they crack down, but when they crack down, they double down on prior efforts. Just like a surfer trying to catch a wave.). Watching the IQ of the world losing altitude into potato levels.

And my Dad very nearly leaving my reality.

Yeah, I got scared. And hadn’t even realized HOW scared I was.

What isn’t clear is how scared I am of losing my dad. Or could it be having to face all of this with my dad in his current conditions. I think its more the latter function. Love my dad, but I know he’s tired and I won’t stand in his way if he decides ‘its time’.

I don’t leave wounded behind. Its hardwired in. And I know if shit went to Helena Handbasket right now,,,

And we are getting indicators, that may be the case.

I’m fucking scared silly.

So, now that I am aware of it, I can figure out what needs changed. First order of business is to get a second opinion on the urology thing. His heart thing seems well in order now, even though its still early in the game. But three weeks with a catheter in seems excessive to me. And that is what was told to him yesterday at the Urolgy docs. Is this a case of an enlarged prostate that needs time to settle down, or is there an underlying problem. And I have no clue what the doc said because that wave of covidiocy has reared its ugly head here and ONLY PATIENTS is the order of the day, again. (And I have alternate information about all of that, but its not relevant to this post)

Coffee is done, Kittehs fed, almost time to go play nurse before I go play welder, and somewhere in all the middles, try to figure how to ease my mind in a world gone mad.

More laters.

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