Thumbs a-twiddlin’

Sitting. Waiting. Deliveries behind schedule, parts to install but no parts to be had. Pay based on work done, not time spent so pay is zip currently.

Sitting. Waiting. TPTwB pushing levers and buttons, but the machine isn’t going any faster. Prolly cuz the wheels already fell off and we’re riding on the brake drums. Lots of sparks and smoke, but nothing giving way to the next stage, YET.

I hear people sounding the drum, clanging on the pots, shouting from the roof tops, that shits about to go sideways any minute. And one thing tells me that they are likely correct.

I’m calm.

I found out years ago that my psyche deals with things a leetle differently than most people. When I was involved in my first road accident, the yound lady I was with noted that I was a cool as a cucumber before during and immediately after the destruction. When I was in Kuwait, before things got sparky with a small force of the Iraqi Republican Gaurd (in some shitty little national forest there, that was barely a grove of trees here) same thing; cool and relaxed with barely a hint of waiting tension. Like the steady state of a loaded spring. When I had my little ‘spill’ on the Elkhorn, it was a problem to be worked, not a ‘shit my pants, ima gonna die’ moment.

I have no clue HOW it works, I just know it does: to many times where people around me are losing thier shit, and I’m cool and relaxed ready for the next problem, complete emotional detachment from myself and the goings-on. Usually, if I am uptight, wont be shit for a reason. Like my kayaking, flat water has me more uptight than waves. And B can attest, I’m nervous nellie on the flat but smooth as ice when things get more vertical and curvy. The only time I get stressed is during verbal confrontations with other people; maybe its from knowing that if it goes physical, I have no off-switch,,,

For clarity, yes, I do have that “OMGOMGOMG” going on in part of my brain, but somewhere somehow some other life, I learned how to shut it in its own little box and shove it aside out the way. (And that ‘skill’ was present pre-USMC days, maybe the Corps just polished it up a bit.)

That part of my brain is in lockdown right now, but the warning signs don’t justify it, and that tells me somthing BIGGER is forthcoming. Or, that something much closer to home is about to go sideways. Thats the problem with this, I never have a clue until after the fact; I just know that when I go full calm, shits about to hit the fan.

I dunno, sometimes I get a clue from my pre-urges. Like in Kuwait, I had this demanding urge to triple check the action on my rifle ten minutes before we took incoming rounds. I’d just cleaned the rifle that morning, before we started convoy out of country, but damned if I wasn’t half breaking down my rifle checking shit WHILE DRIVING. My A-driver thought I was insane. I’m not getting that type of urge currently. I did make sure that my ammo and such were secure, but it was a cursory check; like patting your pockets to make sure you have your keys before you lock the doors.

Nope, no demanding urges, just calm and patient waiting.

All I can say is, “Watch your Six, know where your friends are, and keep your clothes and weapons where you can find them in the dark.” It may be a false alarm, but this feeling has never been false before.